Wednesday, January 10, 2007

John Waters' assistant

Can you imagine being John Waters' assistant? It seems like it would be a lot of fun and kind of awful at the same time. Lately he seems to be getting good comic mileage out of the idea. Here's a quote from a story about why John Waters loves Britney Spears' ex Kevin Federline, or K-Fed.

(By the way, I know you know who K-Fed is; I only explained it so JW wouldn't be confused. And thanks to Joe.My.God for the link.)
Waters is such a fan of K-Fed that he ordered his assistant to go out and get him the wannabe hip-hop star's CD when it came out last year.

``She was so mad, she almost quit. She kept saying: 'I'm not doing it. Please don't make me buy it.' But she finally did. I consider it a prized possession; I haven't even taken it out of the wrapper. There's something about that guy I like, something very Baltimore and sleazy about him.''
Can't you just hear him saying all that? I love that guy.

During his "John Waters Christmas" show at UCLA Live last month, he did a bit about having to get stern with his assistant when she refused to call a made-to-order, anatomically-correct-doll-manufacturer to determine whether or not the doll Waters had ordered was going to be circumcized. I just imagine this long-suffering Jane Hathaway-type (or Anne Hathaway, if you'd rather), clenched jaw, furrowed brow, trying to maintain some integrity while she does unspeakable things like asking strangers questions about doll foreskins or supporting K-Fed's career. Too funny.

Seriously though, I'd do all that over picking up dry-cleaning and fetching annoyingly fancy Starbucks orders any day of the week. Sounds like a blast!


meg said...

I find it unfathomable that his assistant would be completely lacking in a sense of kitsch. Maybe he's just playing up her humorless Hathawayability (Jane, please!) for effect, the way that Ed Begley Jr. plays up his wife's non-ecological behavior?

frank's wild lunch said...

I assume it's for comic effect, but I can only imagine the relentlessness of his requests. I'm sure just when the poor thing thinks he might, just this once, just be asking for her to get lunch, all of a sudden he wants her to find some high quality amputee porn for him or something.

Of course it's also just funny that his assistant was scandalized at the idea of having to buy K-Fed's new album for him. That John Waters is a stitch!

Anonymous said...

I know John's main assistant(heh as more than one), and trust me she is no pushover. She's actually very funny and a total sweetheart. She is also very prtoective of John and very clear about what he wants and doesn't want. He and his whole operation are very laidback but also very clear- it makes working with them a breeze.

Marcie said...

How can I apply to be one of his assistants or become a part of the John waters team? I'm looking to take my production career in a new direction and I have a soft spot ( and sometimes a love/hate relationship) with the city of Baltimore. If Anyone has the inside scoop I'd love some contact info. :)