Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The Gospel of Kevbo

Here's a Holy Week instant message from my favorite Jersey City non-believer:

zenokb: Well aparently the Book of Judas has a few bombshells. Jesus was still alive on Saturday -- the ordeal the day before was just a ruse to keep the press away -- and he feasted with his inner circle on a meal of garlic roasted baby-red potatoes, a portabella and blue cheese fritatta, and a basket of buffalo wings.
zenokb: During this feast, the big J, at least according to Judas, had a few Bloody Mary's and told everyone that despite appearances, he really did ask to be betrayed. That his relationship with Judas was really complicated, and a lot of shit went down, but he knew deep down he deserved what he got.
zenokb: "I have never been pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough. . . ."
zenokb: Also, when he cast the merchants out of the temple he was, according to Judas, shrieking, "All these pretty things I can't afford on an ASSISTANT'S SALARY!"
zenokb: So now we know why so many gays gravitate to the church. He was fucking dying for a big nice house.
zenokb: OK, I have this feeling that my mom knows I am typing this and it creeps me out. No more blasphemy for today.

It's okay, honey! He gave his life for just this sort of thing!

No comments: